Tiny Turtle For dVerse~Poets Pub

Tiny turtle in my hand

How did you arrive here

By accident 

Or man?

Tiny now too small to bite

You will grow

 Into a frightful sight.

The question remains

How came you here?

I know the answer...

From my sweet dear

Hubby's main goal

Is to make me scream

It's just a game

He's not mean

He laughs now but

I'm quite the sneak

I'll release this baby 

To the creek.

One thing we know

And tell

Around here

Paybacks are hell.

A whimsical contribution to dVerse~Poets Pub for Open Link.

Ben Gay Is Hubby's Bane

I shall stop telling all these tales one of these days...maybe.

I know my husband loves me. 

He shows this by oiling the toilet ring, saran wrapping the commode under the ring, placing duct tape (sticky side up) in my underwear, sneaking into the bathroom and tying knots in my pants legs. Hubby uses the string poppers from July fireworks and ties them in the most wonderful places;  the commode ring he has left up, the kitchen cabinet doors, the phone!  When these are tied then pulled on there is an explosion, small but very affective and very humourous to the monster I married in 1972.

I have discovered a few ways to pay him back.  To quote him, "Paybacks are hell!"

Hubby can not stand the smell of Ben Gay.  I am lavish in my use of it, it helps my sore spots and adds joy to my life because hubby enjoys the smell.

One day, of many, he had been especially sneaky and conniving and ornery.  I decided it was time to put him in his place.  I slathered a dry wash rag with Ben Gay and placed it in his pillow case.

When he came to bed, he sniffed me, that wasn't where the smell was coming from...I was asleep, right!  He flops his pillow over and the smell doubles, he is looking for the origin of the smell.  I am quietly enjoying his suffering but was having a hard time not laughing.  Hubby was flopping around so much he could not feel me shaking with silent laughter in the bed beside him.

When he starts talking out loud about me, I act like he has awakened me and ever so innocently ask, what's wrong honey.  By this time the light is on, he is pulling back the covers and looking under the bed!  Still flopping that pillow as if what was not there before would be, the next time he looked.

I am weak, I felt sorry for him, I confessed!  I pulled the Ben Gay rag from the pillow case.

Once again I had proved you can't out trick a trickster...and I loved every minute of it.

Oh, honey, by the way, paybacks are hell.

Many Asked If I Got Even...

with my hubby.  No, never did but I keep trying.  Our second night out was on a creepy slough off the river in a boat that leaked.  What made me think this was the man I wanted to marry?

Our other house had many apple trees and we would place rubber snakes in them to scare the birds.  After the crops, we would bring the snakes in for the winter.  Unknown to my husband, he laid his pants on one that night.  The next morning when he picked up his pants, he saw the head of the snake and had a runaway.

He accused me of doing it on purpose...not me.  The next day at work, I was getting something out of my brief case for a woman and surprise, surprise, there was the snake.  The woman was scared.  I just said that is how my husband shows me he loves me.

Well, the battle is on and I can win this one!  I placed it in his boat seat with the seat folded down, you can finish that one.  The snake disappeared but I was not through and I had more snakes.

A black snake had been spotted in the shop around the welding truck.  In fact, hubby popped the hood one day and there laid the big, long, black, real snake.  This caused an idea to blossom within my evil mind.

First I have to say, when hubby is doing mechanic work, sometimes he loses his cool and jerks open the truck door.  When things are normal, he just opens the door.  I had to consider all these scenarios in my plan.

I got me some fishing line (almost invisible) and I tied it on that snake and laid him on the arm rest.  I had to practice by jerking the door open and opening it gently.  I wanted it tied just right.  I finally succeeded in the perfect position.  If he jerked the door open, it would jump and strike at him.  If he opened it gently, the snake would just be on the arm rest.

Then I waited.

Wasn't long 'til we had a lawnmower problem.  He had worked on it until he was steaming.  Had to get the tools out of the truck.  I am washing dishes and laughing as I see him stomp to the welding truck.  I knew this was going to be good!  He was mad so he jerked the door open and the snake jumped at him like a real snake striking....I am rolling by this time,  hidden in the house. 

I think he jumped back three feet and up about two feet.  It was great, worth all the time I had spent.  Great revenge.

I hear my name yelled with other words that I shall not write here and I could barely stand, I was laughing so hard.

When he came to the house, I said, Don't you know you can't win?

All the snakes disappeared until apple time the next year.