This Morning, I Wanted To Push Him In A Ditch

Not the rooster, the hubby!  I had a plan, even though I have been running a fever, coughing my head off and just feeling very bad in general.

My barn project was on my mind.  I made a mental list of what I needed:  hammer, battery drill, screws, tape measure, nails, flat crow bar/nail thingy remover,  monster screw driver to help reverse the gate hangers and move the gates in the barn.

I have a closet that I keep the tools in I use.  WELL, somehow they have grown feet and walked away.  The screw driver batteries are dead, my bit I needed was not there.  The crow/pry bar, and even my hot pink measuring tape was gone. 

Okay, no problem, I will run a cord to the barn, use the electric drill, use a yard stick and proceed as planned.  This will work and I can use my electric saw too since I have to run a cord anyway.  It was not meant to happen!  No electric drill in sight!  By the time I had charged my batteries on my cordless, I had said, piss on it (excuse me) and put all my partial supply of tools back in their appointed spots.

If you have not guessed, I am married to a scatterer!  He has scads of tools, he has a shop of tools, but he doesn't know exactly where his are so he comes to the tool closet because they are organized and easy to find.  Does he return them, heck no! 

I request the return of the closet tools and he insists they are his.  May I borrow them?  Don't know where they are, ARGGGHHHH!

I think I will give him a list of tools I need and he shall have a week to gather them.  I am not asking his help in this construction but I do want my @##@% tools.  (Don't know what that bad word was, I just like doing that)

I was thinking about putting up a voting bar on the side with suggestions of what I should do to him and let you vote, but I have decided against that because that would be absolute proof of premeditation to any harm that might befall him.

I am open to suggestions.  The pink tools worked for awhile but not anymore.  I think he can see them better.  If I am to do any projects, I must have tools!  Help!

I'm Gonna Thrash Him!

We are still covered with snow.

It is cold!

And muddy.

Just let me tell you...I always loved it when Mom started a story that way, she was gonna let somebody have it, tell them how the cow ate the cabbage.  WELL,  just let me tell you about Hubby!

You have see from the above pictures, this is not the fun snowy winterland from the romance novels.  This is sloppy mud over your ankles where the feed spots are and slick snow that you can bust your behind on in a New York minute. We are sliding vehicles, splashing tractors, and slipping boots just to get stock fed.

Hubby goes to put out hay, on the tractor.  He flies through, stabs the round bale with his hay stinger, floors it to the gate, splashes through the creek, flies once again through the pasture to his carefully selected feeding spot for the evening.

Yes, I am grateful we have a tractor and the hay to feed but I am telling you this man causes more work....He brings me the phone.  Why?  He can't find his cell phone.  He knows he lost it during feeding and it is probably in the creek, under the mud and he run over it with the tractor and he can't find it anywhere.  He's mashed it, it's gone forever, he's the disaster man is what he is!

Okay, so my job is to repeatedly dial his cell phone to help him locate it.  Good plan if the cell phone is reachable.  So I am dialing and dialing and dialing.  His cell cuts off at four rings, goes to voice mail and I don't know where redial is on this house phone.  Where was I?  Oh, yes, dialing and dialing and dialing.  He comes back to the house with a hang-dog expression and says I can't find it, it's gone, it's mashed, it's trashed, I will never see it again.

Silly me, even after living with this man all these years, I feel sorry for him.  I pull on my muck boots, wrap up warm in my big coat, don my wonderful mittens and start to search.  Tracking Hubby is easy, it is like tracking a herd of wild horses, easy to follow.  I did tell you it was cold, right?  I am walking and looking and hoping his cell in not brown, cause that is the only color I am seeing with occasional spots of white. 

My sister has heard his sad tale and joins me in the search.  We are cold, it is getting dark, but because we are nice, we are still looking.  I said, Marcy, it's too cold to look for a phone. She said, I'm getting cold, I think I'll go in.  Me, too.

About this time, Hubby hollers, I am going to the office to see if my cell phone is there.  Now, if you lost it while feeding, why would you look in your office?  We are frozen stiff, muddy and now, I suspect, I am probably gonna get a little mad too.

That's right, it was in his office, just where he left it!!!  I am gonna thrash him for sure!