a tale of tails, tenacity, and tedium, as told by me, usually barefoot and bellowing

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Dawn...

I am in a funky mood today so I probably should not post at all.  We'll see what falls out...

It is eleven and I have done nothing constructive.  Andrew still sleeps and the sound of the tractor echoes through the valley.  Hubby has a project going or multiple projects, who knows.  I am almost afraid to look.  He was not born into farming so sometimes his projects are strange.

I smell smoke so he is burning some gathered brush.  He also came through, stating the spring is lower, which we all knew, but to him, it is a reason to panic.  He is disappointed that I do not join him in his panic.  It's dry, water levels change.  This is something he is not accustomed to since he always had a faucet and never carried water from the source.

Bev has insisted, we have a wall of my paintings at the shop.  She wants "a wall of colors" to greet people as they enter.  Although I am not happy with my paintings, the act of removing them from my wall was impossible.  Bev insists she needs the color and I don't have to sell them.  Maybe, the hesitation comes from baring your soul to the world, risking criticism and rejection.  I shall try to remove them again today.

Marcy, as usual, was up before the dawn.  Her truck was filled with garden produce and the beans, finally having no dew, were picked this morning...while I did nothing.  As I sit, I am sure she is preparing many things to feed us this winter...and I continue to sit.  I am ashamed.

I sit, and read.  I sit and type.  The outside world does not call me today, which means I should make my self go outside and reconnect with the land and renew myself.

Perhaps I will try again to remove the pieces of me that Bev calls art...and present them to the world.

16 comments:

EmptyNester said...

I agree with you about the hesitation of "baring your soul to the world..." That's the reason I don't share any of my 'fiction' pieces. You might be in a funk today, but your wonderful way with words is still shining through brilliantly.

StitchinByTheLake said...

There is a time for all things - a time for working and a time for sitting, a time for thinking and a time for shutting the world out, a time for showing ourselves and a time for hiding. Embrace each of those when it envelops you. blessings, marlene

Country Gal said...

Yes please do I would love to see your paintings maybe take photos of them and post them here for all of us to see, I am sure they are wonderful as was your post today, Sundays are for R&R in what ever way you please whether it be blogging or sitting back and taking in the sounds and sights of your surroundings. A day to appreciate all that we have in nature and in family or just your favorite things. Have a wonderful Sunday !

LindaG said...

Let Bev take them down for you. Or let Andrew help her. No one needs to know you painted them.

They sound fantastic.

*hugs* Happy Monday, Gail. ♥

Nancy @ A Rural Journal said...

Well, don't feel pressured to do something you really don't want to do -- or perhaps, you DO want to let others see your art and set it free... either way, do what you want to do (somehow, I don't think that's a problem for you.)

I totally understand being in a "mood." It sucks, especially when it's so nice outside. Hope a walk makes you feel a little better. :)

Rob said...

I think it is nice that someone wants you paintings for the colour they will bring to peoples lives.

Lynne said...

Sometimes we have to listen to our inside even if the outside is crying for us to go in a different direction.

You will know, you will know . . . listen . . .

Buttons said...

It is about time I think you work to darn hard you should take time to relax now and then. Take a break. Love the photo. I would love to see some of those paintings. I am sure they are beautiful I did not know you were an artist. Very cool. B

Farm Girl said...

You know what I love about you and your posts? Your honesty. I love that you are struggling with baring your soul. Every time I write a post and push that button that says "publish Post." I feel the same way and so often I say I am never going to write another post as long as I live but somehow I do. You write the same way and you bare your soul. If you are uncomfortable with that type of honesty, then don't do it until you are ready.
Tell Bev to go find something else.
I sounds like it put you in that fear mode and you just need to give yourself time.
You will, because you are brave and you always do the hard, and the unexpected. Like chasing that guy down in the motel parking lot.
Just give yourself a break.
I hope your day got brighter.
I am glad you wrote down what you were feeling. It helped me.
Hugs,
Kim

Mary Ann said...

Today I sat down to read an email, and fell asleep at the computer... don't feel badly! Everyone needs a break now and then!

Dreaming said...

I think we all need time, now and then, to rest, relax, and re-energize. Sometimes it is important to kick back. Yeah, when I do that I feel guilty - I was brought up with my dad's words ringing in my ears..."you need to be doing something constructive." It took me a long time to cover my ears and turn that off.
I hope you feel better after your day 'off'... doing what you wanted to do.

Nora said...

I think if you work all week, you're not supposed to do anything too exhaustive on Sunday and let your mind and your body have a break. You may be asking too much of yourself. Maybe you shouldn't make big decisions on Sunday mornings. A person can't be 'on' all the time.

Hugs, XXX

Sue said...

I would love to see the paintings. But only if you wanted to share them.

=)

TechnoBabe said...

It is interesting to me to hear of the different personalities who live together, work together and you are all being yourselves. And you get along. I like hearing the workings of other families. There is always so much to do in your lifestyle.

Far Side of Fifty said...

Sometimes we all need time to just be..I am sure your artwork is fantastic:)

labbie1 said...

I think it would be great to see your artwork. If she wants the color then I am assuming it is happy artwork in bright colors? How nice to see that when entering a building!

Sometimes it is nice to just BE! I like those times...

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