Sunday, December 19, 2010
Frozen In A Barrel, Trying To Forgive...
I have been reaching deep into my heart for forgiveness. It is hard to forgive, I have discovered.
Hard to understand, much less forgive, the persons who, uninvited, forced their way into OUR space. Not only did they steal, they destroyed. They methodically dumped each box, each drawer, each container. They deliberately damaged what they did not want. They took what they could sell for a pittance...any thing not to work honestly.
All they saw was an old house, ripe for the picking, "abandoned" therefore, free for the taking. If they had asked, I am sure the family would have given them what they needed.
It is not the loss of things. It is the loss of faith in people, it is the unnecessary destruction, it was the invasion of personal space and it was the loss of hours of labor and time.
Now, we are faced, not only with loss, but the repair of the remains. All shall now have to be boxed again, resorted, repaired and readied.
The purpose of this was to raise money for the farm operation and the care of the people who do the work here. To finally shed the "baggage" of generations and benefit from the sharing.
It was not our home, but it was our childhood home. It was not extremely valuable but it was valued enough to steal.
After this, I will speak no more of the feelings we sisters share...we feel assaulted as if it were a personal assault on ourselves, we feel unsafe, untrusting and very discouraged. All our work of gathering, cleaning and sorting is gone, hours of labor, personal items, treasures...and the saddest loss of all is faith and trust.
I, personally, have had a stretch of "What's the use?" I resent what the thief has stolen from me. My confidence, my plans, my hope, my joy and my ambition. I could not speak of it. I could not wrap my mind around the fact that someone could do this and find profit and joy in the doing.
Many of you have sent wonderful, kind, heart-warming comments and I have wrapped them around me like a warm blanket. I have chewed each piece of advice like a piece of jerky and know what you said makes sense...I cannot let the thieves steal my soul, my joy, my spirit. If I allow that, the thief wins and I lose all.
Thank you again for being there for me.