a tale of tails, tenacity, and tedium, as told by me, usually barefoot and bellowing

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Frozen In A Barrel, Trying To Forgive...

I was absent under the guise of holidays.  That was not the truth. 

I have been reaching deep into my heart for forgiveness.  It is hard to forgive, I have discovered.

Hard to understand, much less forgive, the persons who, uninvited, forced their way into OUR space.  Not only did they steal, they destroyed.  They methodically dumped each box, each drawer, each container.  They deliberately damaged what they did not want.  They took what they could sell for a pittance...any thing not to work honestly. 

All they saw was an old house, ripe for the picking, "abandoned" therefore, free for the taking.  If they had asked, I am sure the family would have given them what they needed.

It is not the loss of things.  It is the loss of faith in people, it is the unnecessary destruction, it was the invasion of personal space and it was the loss of hours of labor and time.

Now, we are faced, not only with loss, but the repair of the remains.  All shall now have to be boxed again, resorted, repaired and readied.

The purpose of this was to raise money for the farm operation and the care of the people who do the work here.  To finally shed the "baggage" of generations and benefit from the sharing.

It was not our home, but it was our childhood home.  It was not extremely valuable but it was valued enough to steal.

After this, I will speak no more of the feelings we sisters share...we feel assaulted as if it were a personal assault on ourselves, we feel unsafe, untrusting and very discouraged. All our work of gathering, cleaning and sorting is gone, hours of labor, personal items, treasures...and the saddest loss of all is faith and trust.

I, personally, have had a stretch of  "What's the use?"  I resent what the thief has stolen from me.  My confidence, my plans, my hope, my joy and my ambition.  I could not speak of it.  I could not wrap my mind around the fact that someone could do this and find profit and joy in the doing.

Many of you have sent wonderful, kind, heart-warming comments and I have wrapped them around me like a warm blanket.  I have chewed each piece of advice like a piece of jerky and know what you said makes sense...I cannot let the thieves steal my soul, my joy, my spirit.  If I allow that, the thief wins and I lose all.

Thank you again for being there for me.

28 comments:

Sarah said...

oh Gail, how awful for you.I am so sorry that you have had to suffer this.I don't understand how some people can be so selfish, mean and cruel.My thoughts and love are with you. I hope they join with many others to wrap round you even more tightly.Sarah x

EmptyNester said...

Your analogy is perfect. Frozen in a barrel...I understand how you feel. Three years ago just after Thanksgiving break (this is when I was working in the elementary school that our daughters attended)I had gone to pick up my next students for tutoring and, while gone all of 5 minutes, someone walked into my room and stole my debit card. I won't go into details- I just wanted to tell you that you hit the proverbial nail on the head about how it feels to have something stolen from you--even if it's just a debit card--it's still a violation. I am so glad that you won't let them rob you of your spirit...your joy...there are just some things they cannot have no matter how hard they try to deprive us. And, to the thieves, karma dudes. Karma.

Jo said...

I'm so sorry this has happened to you, Gail. I pray that the spirit of Jesus which IS Christmas, fills you and lifts you up again. You have so much to offer others, I'm sad that people (the thieves) violated your space and have tried to steal your peace. Don't allow it, my friend. Know that prayers are going up for you and your family right now. Have a blessed week my friend. (((Hugs))) Jo

ellen abbott said...

It really sucks. Theft can be understandable but the wanton destruction is unfathomable. I don't get that. Don't let them get your spirit down.

Rudee said...

The aftermath is the worst. Still, I'm glad it wasn't the home where you live.

I'm so sorry.

Emma Rose said...

I am so sorry to read this. Our previous home was burglarized while we were at work one day. The trauma was devastating. It took a long time for me to work through the fear and anger. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Chickadee said...

I think what would bother me the most (and does, for you) is the pointless destruction. If you really wanted to steal, steal it and leave, don't get extra hateful and destroy. The things that were destroyed were undoubtedly the most precious and priceless to you and I can understand that is a hurt that will take time to heal.

I'm so sorry.

COUNTRY GAL said...

I understand how you feel and again am sorry for what they did to you and your belongings! We all know it happens to people and hear of it every day on the news but it doesnt really sink in till it happens to us then it hits home but just remember this for every bad person out there , there are alot more good, kind and caring people !

colenic said...

How terrible for you and your family. I can only imagine the feelings that you and your sisters have at this time. I hope that you are able to somehow find peace and that there are enough good, caring, peaceful people that surround you during this time that your faith can be restored at least a bit....hugs to you..

Linda in New Mexico said...

I feel so bad for your losses. All of them. And for your sisters as well. It is understandable, the feelings you are having now. But as others have said, do not let "them" win and take part of you along with the stealing and destroying. I totally understand having had "them" break into our home, steal a truck...it is too real.
Be well, The Olde Bagg

Sunny said...

Many years ago, my parent's house was broken into, what the punks didn't want they destroyed. Thankfully no one was home at the time.
I'm truly sorry that you had to go through this, please don't loose faith. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
☼ Sunny

Jennifer said...

I am so sorry this happened to you and your sisters. It can be hard to have faith in people at all sometimes. My brother-in-law once stole money from me that I was carefully saving and truly needed at the time. Even though he was the one that did wrong their family (my husband's mom mostly) got mad at me for turning it into the police. (He didn't get in any trouble they just talked to him). I really, truly hate a thief and I personally don't feel like there is EVER any excuse for it unless a person is starving and then they would be stealing food. So sorry.

becky said...

Gail,
sorry to hear of your losses. thieves do piss me off. i once had my car window shattered on christmas night of all nights- so they could steal a cheap car radio. the clincher was that my hatchback didn't lock, but they didn't bother trying that way to get in... so I was left without music & a shattered window! at that time i was waiting on tables & broke, so needless to say i was also very angry! i don't know why people do the things they do like that, but my guess is drugs. the antidote for the loss of faith in some people is in the knowing that there are also really good people out there. sucks though. i hope you have a happy holiday in spite of all that.

Wsprsweetly Of Cottages said...

Sweetie..I will write an email...I had NO idea! WHY didn't you tell me...never mind. I know...I understand...

LindaG said...

I know how you feel. It's happened to us.
I know what you mean and what you're going through.

God bless and comfort you. *hugs* ♥

B. WHITTINGTON said...

Gail,
It really makes me mad. What makes a stranger or even someone we know feel entitled to take our things. I'm amazed and shocked.

I know I shouldn't be as it happens more and more.

If you look you might find some lesson in all this. Maybe that will take time. Just remember they cannot take your soul or your very being.
Sending a warm hug and I'm giving you my smile to wear just for today until you find yours.
Blessings. Barb

allhorsestuff said...

Oh! I have been away and come to find you and yours are violated with the selfishness of someone...while laboring in the memories and trinkets of life.Your historys.
I am so sad...for them, tarnishing themselves and sorry that you felt the impact- so personally so.
Oh, please know, it is not personal. Only the learning of it it is...the fact you must deal with how you sort the feelings of an assault as such.

I have been assautled like that too..and the only way I could manage it and move forward... was to actully "Pray" for the violaters. I felt it was giving it back to the ONE in charge, the ONE that could do something unseen with such a hardened heart. Not be "Bitter" but choose to be "Better". It did birth a kind of- hope for me...though- still angry inside.
I hope you can thaw enough, to maybe do that Gail.
((Hugs to you))

Laughing Orca Ranch said...

Oh no. It seems I've missed a lot around here recently. I'm so sorry for what has happened. It's terrible to be sure.

But your last paragraph says it all. Don't let what they did consume you with all those negative feelings, or they will have truly won all control. They are not worth it.
But you are, my friend.

(((hugs)))
~Lisa

Tina said...

Gail, I am so saddened for your troubles. It is unfair and unreal that thieves can take whatever they choose with no concience. Rest assured, this life or the next, they will be known for what they are and will pay a heavy price. God bless you.

Greener Pastures--A City Girl Goes Country said...

I am so sorry Gail! I just finished reading your last few posts to catch up. Be careful--I was wondering if it could be someone you know who was reading your blog and knew your comings and goings, the discoveries in the old house, etc.

I know how you feel. Our apartment was burglarized when I was a kid, and a few years ago when we lived at the Amityville Horror House the evil neighbors robbed us. Among other things. I felt so violated. I am still traumatized over everything they did to us four years later. I know what you mean about not trusting anyone--I am paranoid about everything and don't know who I can trust. I won't forgive them. They haven't repented. They'd do it to me again in a minute if they could get away with it. But trust me. What goes around comes around. The thief will have bad karma. Mine was recently arrested for animal abuse and didn't get away with it--got fined $5,100., and is on probation for two years plus other trouble. Bad people don't have good lives, one way or another.

Lori Skoog said...

Things like this can have such an impact on every corner of your life. So sorry that you are going thorough this...your sisters too.

Nora said...

My thoughts are with you, Gail. I hope you don't let this get you down too much. Even though it's hard, you mustn't lose your faith in people. The majority of them are not this bad. Don't believe that and become bitter.

Pat said...

Another friend of mine just posted that his apartment got robbed last night in New York. He sat down and cried. I can't help but wonder if we are so open and write whatever on our blogs - and use our real names - are we opening ourselves up for trouble?

Far Side of Fifty said...

I had the same thought as Pat..are we talking to freely? I wonder sometimes. I know I don't talk about going anyplace..or time schedules..I talk about them after we return...it takes all kinds of people to make the world go round. I hope they catch the thieving varmits:)

Rob said...

Many is the time that I turn my back on people in favour of my dogs but then I visit people like you and even though it only ever be you words that I see I then realise that not everyone is the same, some are worth the effort. The people who stole from you have to steal because they have no one to give them anything, not even love and friendship.

Nezzy said...

Oh honey, I had a feelin' this is why you decided to take a break and I sure don't blame you one bit. It's darn near impossible to wrap your brain around this kind of violation.

There is just no rhyme or reason to it all...just destruction. My heart goes out to you and your sisters. The frozen barrel truly says it all.

I pray peace and forgiveness on you girl. I know that may be a long time in the makin'. I so wish I could do something to help.

Hubby said, "probably kids or druggies" but this time of the year ya never know what a desperate parent might do to put presents under the tree. The destruction is an unforgivable act.

God bless you dear friend and I pray that you can soon feel safe again and that the ornery varmints are caught.

Judy said...

It puts such a damper on the holiday for you...so much anger and pain...will be thinking of you and yours...take care and try to have a good holiday...

Pyatshaw said...

How awful! Best wishes to you and all your family at this time.

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