a tale of tails, tenacity, and tedium, as told by me, usually barefoot and bellowing

Friday, January 17, 2014

I Don't Drink


but every now and then I like to look at what is available.  I found this:  Jim Beam Jacob's Ghost White Whiskey "Jacob's Ghost celebrates the 'Spirit' of Jim Bean's founding distiller, Jacob Beam--by refining the clear whiskey he first distilled in 1795.  Jacob's Ghost is clear, but it isn't Moonshine or un-aged White Dog. It's a special whiskey, aged at least one year in white oak barrels and crafted by our master distillers with over 200 years of Beam tradition to be uniquely versatile and flavorful."

This description did not convince me but when I read the shelf label I laughed out loud. The label said, "An infinite mixer...Drink it any damn way you please".  I'm not sure how drinkers choose their product but if something makes me laugh, it's coming home with me!

First my husband was shocked because I'm such a non-drinker I've been accused of being the poster child for Prohibition.  It made me laugh.  I wrote the slogan on the very bag I carried it home in.

It's sad when your sick humor makes you buy whiskey.

I smelled it...mild, not a slap in your face whiskey.  I tried two drops in the lid....mild but not overbearing. I mix a drink...a small amount that Hubby claimed wasn't even a jigger.  I  replied, "Drink it any damn way you please!"  I added Dr Pepper since that is one of my drinks of choice, settled on the couch and tried to become a drinker.

It tasted like shit! (Pardon me)  I thought, Okay, maybe if you eat some bread it will taste better.  Nope!

I tried to pawn it off on Hubby.  He said he couldn't drink it because he just took his medicine.

I can't waste anything...I mean anything...it's like setting fire to money.  So I offered it to Bonnie, Hubby's pup.
She liked it and was licking deep into that glass.  I suspect it was the sugar in the Dr Pepper but she could be a drinking dog.  With several laps under her belt Hubby told me not to get his dog drunk.  Much to Bonnie's disappointment I pulled her drink away and against all my better judgement poured it down the drain.
Later I got accused of getting Bonnie drunk.  Hubby said she has redesigned her crate, pulling her bed out, made a door with it and was having a ball dragging her blanket all over hell and creation.  It was hilarious but I think she could still drive.  I asked Bonnie to stand on one leg and touch her nose.  Alas, she couldn't do it.

I may be arrested for contributing to the delinquency of a pup!

The bottle shall stand in my kitchen with it's wonderful label and still make me smile when I go by...or maybe I will try it in sweet tea. When I get a sore throat surely I can choke down a spoonful with honey and that will give it a medicinal purpose.

I can no longer be called a (tea) teetotaler...I got whiskey!

22 comments:

TexWisGirl said...

i drink it straight on a cold day. warms the cockles of your heart. :)

Dreaming said...

Thanks for such a delightful laugh! I really enjoyed reading about your Jacob's Ghost. What a fun label!
I had to read your post to Mr. Dreamy. He chuckled, too.
I'm sorry I don't have any suggestions - I'm not too adventurous in the drinking department! But, Jim Beam has a site with some suggestions: http://www.jimbeam.com/bourbon-recipes/mixed-drink-recipes

DFW said...

I'm a whiskey gal from way back. Love the taste straight up, if it's good. I'll be glad to taste test. Love the label! Poor pup, can't handle his liquor.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

You poured it down the drain - that's alcohol abuse.
Hey, at least you can still admire the bottle.
Bonnie however might need AA.

M.E. Masterson said...

Poor Bonnie can't handle her liquor! Oh Gail I got a great laugh with this post...Thank you!

Linda Wildenstein said...

I am not much of a drinker but I probably would have gone for it with the label calling my sense of humor as well. DP and any liquor sounds awful.....because I love DP straight up.
Oh yeah sweet tea would be much better....like a Long Island Iced Tea...sorta.
xoxo you are a stitch, Oma Linda

LindaG said...

When we drink, and it has been YEARS since we have, we always mixed it with Dr. Pepper, too.

Save it for whatever you need alcohol for. It should work. :-)

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend, Gail!

Terri Buster said...

Well Bonnie approved anyway-LOL! I have never been able to stand the taste of whiskey. Don't much even like the smell of it! But now I can down a Dr Pepper- that's for sure!

Empty Nester said...

I'm not a drinker either. But I do love to smell bourbon. And it's probably a good thing it doesn't taste anything like it smells. LOL I do, however, enjoy the occasional glass of Bailey's Irish Cream. Tasty. LOVE the slogan!

Irene said...

I tried to drink whiskey straight when I was 16 years old, but I didn't like it and didn't finish the glass after a valiant attempt. Maybe if it had been mixed with cola and ice it would have tasted better. It was a sincere attempt to be more grown up than I was, but now I still don't like hard liquor unmixed. I'd rather have a glass of white wine. xox

Far Side of Fifty said...

Branch water will make it smooth at least that is what my husband would say. We don't drink either, but we did visit the Jim Beam Distillery and it was a fun time:)

Lynne said...

What a fun post . . . Loved it! Happy to see you back Miss Whiskey gal!

Sandy said...

LOL........
Oh Bonnie couldn't walk a straight line.

I love the saying on the label.

This is a great post!!!

Saucy Kodz said...

Oh thank you for the laugh Gail - I would have been totally amused with that label and probably bought it just because of the label for my friend from Newfoundland - they drink "Screech" over there and I think he would enjoy passing a drink "any dam way to his buddies" ha,ha
Loved the post, but little Bonnie looks like she should not even run down to the stream - you naughty girl. Thank you - Love n hugz to March, TM :), A n Z xo

A Quiet Corner said...

A nice Jack and water comforts me once every few months...LOL!...:)JP

Sandra said...

i love doc pepper and you ruined it with whiskey and then poured the doc pepper down the drain with the whiskey...boo hoo on the Pepper and YAY on the whiskey down the drain which is where all alcohol belongs. I am betting that whiskey killed Jacob and that is why he is a ghost... LOL.. poor pup, hope he is not hung over today..

Farm Girl said...

This is so funny. You have had such a fun lately.
I like that you are the poster child for prohibition. That made me laugh.

DesertHen said...

I'm a wine drinker, I leave the whiskey to hubby. Over ice or on the rocks is the way to drink this particular brand. And the pup has class if she liked the drink...lol! I like that you bought the bottle on a whim! And I love the "drink it any damn way you please!" Cool bottle!

McGuffy Ann said...

I am a teetotaler, however this had me really laughing! I could envision this unfolding! I admit, I love their slogan, too. OMGosh...

Brian Miller said...

ha. i was a bit wild in my youth...until i turned 21...funny how that worked...but i really dont touch the hard stuff since then...i have no desire...

that said i enjoy a beer every once in a while, like one a month in a social setting...

friday night i may have had the best beer i ever tasted...brooklyn chocolate stout...its amazing...

so if you see me staggering down the road you now know why so help a brother out...

ok, i could never go back to that bad, but, seriously good...

funny story...hoep the pups headache was not too bad in the morning...ha

Sue said...

Ugh. Whiskey is gross.
(I don't drink, either.)

I think the bottle is worth the purchase, though.

=)

gld said...

I don't like the taste of hard liquors either.....then I bought some brandy to put in mincemeat. I decided to try a drop, just sipping it along....the bottle is strangely going down and I haven't made mincemeat in a long time now. I give a nice little warm glow as it goes down. I might have to replace the bottle in case I make mincemeat again soon.

Add some lemon juice to the whiskey and honey....the kids pediatrician recommended it way back then.

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