a tale of tails, tenacity, and tedium, as told by me, usually barefoot and bellowing

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Things I Leaned In The South


A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.

There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South.

There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the South, plus a couple no one’s seen before.

If it grows, it’ll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.

Onced and Twiced are words.

It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy!

“Jaw-P?” means “Did y’all go to the bathroom?”

People actually grow and eat okra.

Fixinto is one word. It means I’m fixing to do that.

There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there is supper.

Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar.

Backwards and forwards means I know everything about you.

The word “jeet?” is actually a phrase meaning “Did you eat?”

You don’t have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is, you work until you’re done or it’s too dark to see.

You don’t PUSH buttons, you MASH em.

“No, Jew?” is a common response to the question, “Did you bring any beer?”

You measure distance in minutes.

You switch from heat to A/C in the same day.

All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect, or animal.

You know what a DAWG is.

You carry jumper cables in your car - for your OWN car.

You only own five spices: salt, pepper, Tony’s, Tabasco and ketchup.

The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local high school sports, motor sports, and gossip.

You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.

You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit a bit warm.

You know all four seasons: Almost summer, summer, still summer, and Christmas.

Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite pastime known as “goin’ Wal-Martin’” or “off to Wally World”.

You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chicken stew weather.

Fried catfish is the other white meat.

We don't need no dang Driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive dag-nabbit.

You understand these jokes and forward them to your Southern friends and those who just wish they were from the SOUTH.


Nezzy said...

You always put a big old bright smile on my face Gail. These are great, funny and oh baby....soooo true! Heeeheheh!

Have a peaceful evening filled with sweet dreams!

The Farmers Oldest Daughter said...

Great!!! So true too. Isn't being from the south great. I can relate to the majority of them.

MtAiryMom said...

OMG! I've laughed til my face hurts . . . and made Mike's head hurt LOL!

Spring Lake Farm said...

Yep, born and raised rat cheer in the South! ;)


Rural Rambler said...

I am rollin' laughin!

the canned quilter said...

LMAO! How funny but proud to be Southern : )

Nola @ the Alamo said...

Amen to that! I've been pushing a buggy through Wally World all my life!

Sarah said...

Really funny Gail!! As a girl from the deep south of Hertfordshire I don't think my accent quite got some of them... but I love 'em! Sarah x

Pyatshaw said...

Great. These made me laugh out loud, sitting alone at the computer (so they have to be funny!) We have some Scottish sayings--much the same but different!!!

Far Side of Fifty said...

What about the Fillin Stations? You don't have Gas stations ? Ah I love the South except for all those snakes and bugs that will scare you half to death:)

Nora said...

I understand the South a lot better now and I do like ketchup a lot too.

Pat said...

Funny! We listen to Blue Collar Radio when we are on the road so I've heard of some of these from Jeff Foxworthy. He has another word: asinine

"I'd give her face an eight and her ass a nine."

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