Evading The Police On A Normal Tuesday...

was the highlight of my day.  My day began with running around like a chicken with its head cut off and improved from there.

I enjoyed the beautiful fall colors as I drove armed with a coupon for Bath and Body Works.  I love that store!  I stopped there first because they mail me free item coupons to suck me into the store.  Oh, they know I'm weak. 

I bought my items and the sales lady says, But you get three free when you buy these so I go pick three more and on the way back smell some new men's fragrances and grab them.  Welllll, the saleslady then says when you buy these, you get free body wash.  Okay, sounds good to me.  Now I'm back at check out to my growing piles of wonderful to die for lotions and scents.  Oops, you get a free one with this and this is the sample bottle so you need to get a new one.  The lady probably could read my face, Daddy always said it was just like a book and tried unsuccessfully to train me to present an unemotional poker face to the world. I failed Dad's instructions and the lady quickly added, I will get it for you but the free one comes from this entire collection so you may want to do that yourself.

Using my free coupon costs me $88.17.  I saved $74.34.  How the hell did that happen?  Man, are they good.  She politely asked if I was Christmas shopping.  I replied, Guess I am now.

Wal Mart next with Marcy's list and my list.  Planning on having more time to stroll through my lists and enjoy just looking quickly turned into Hurry up and get out, you have to be home by three.

When I am power shopping, I am something to be reckoned with.  I am fearsome, single minded and almost running.  Since Marcy's surgery she has been unable to drive so I had a fairly substantial list for her and since I always delay going to the monster store until I need every thing I also had a list as long as my arm.

Trotting behind the cart I had grouped the things I needed in my mind directly related to the section they were in LAST time.  Alas, they had rearranged and improved our shopping experience by highlighting Christmas along with Halloween.  I just flew past those.

I needed a toilet seat since my soft one had cracked and bit my behind every time I sat. So I get two just in case one dies before I get home.  Needed a phone, in the cart.  Needed a new George Foreman grill since my old George was holding onto more of the meat than I was getting on the plate, in the basket.  Oh, there's that bar stool I need, in the cart.  NONE OF THESE WERE ON MY LIST!

Back to the list and I see a towel that goes perfectly with my newly painted bathroom then I find some coasters that will work to put under the iron bedstead legs I am gonna move into my PLUM room. 

Back to the list, light bulbs, flashlights, peroxide, detergent, toothpaste, oh, then I spy a new toothbrush so that goes in. Dish washing liquid, Dishwasher tabs, Activia for Marcy, cheap yogurt for me, Prune juice for Marcy, orange for me, milk, bread, bacon for Marcy, hamburger for us both and some other meats.  My cart is running over.  I turn the bar stool upside down and begin towering things into those long legs.

We must have ice cream and none of my grandsons can live without pizza so the tower balanced between the stool legs is growing.  Two avocados for Marcy and Hot Pockets for me and I am through.

Check out is a breeze, divided our stuff as I checked out so unloading at the correct household would be efficient.  I look at the clock...2:30!!!!  I am at least thirty minutes from home and still Have to pick up KFC.

Hit the highway with the smell of KFC chicken floating through the car of a driver who has not eaten today.  It was torture.  I looked at the clock, okay, if the traffic lights do me well, I can get home in time to baby sit.

Time again to appreciate the lovely scenery as I keep the petal to the metal.  Some of these were taken at the unlawful speed of 65MPH

Moving on, gonna make up lost time.  I met a state trooper in the oncoming traffic and I am only twelve miles from home.  Oh, no!  He whips his car off the side of the road and attempts to turn and persue this law breaking Granny in a PT Cruiser. 

Thank goodness, luck was on my side, the oncoming traffic had slowed his immediate return to the highway.  In my rear view mirror as I slow down to the correct speed, I notice he can't get out.  I hastily clipped my seat belt while driving.  I just knew I was going to the poky and my ice cream would melt.

He finally pulled out but he must have thought I was a lost cause since I was way ahead of him now and his little radar speed detector thingy was saying I was obeying the law.  He followed me slowly as if I did not know he was there and would brazenly break the law again.  I did not, he lost interest.  I reached my road and then home.  Twenty minutes after Three.  Send Maria out the door to work, carried Marcy's groceries in with Zander's help then unloaded all my stuff while Zander played with Marcy.

The only victim of this speeding trip was one loaf of bread that George fell on and smashed.  The other goods were unharmed.

Wednesday I am staying at home!!!