a tale of tails, tenacity, and tedium, as told by me, usually barefoot and bellowing

Monday, November 19, 2012

Happy Birthday, Breasts!

You are forty-six today
I am fifty-eight
For forty-six years I hid you
Today we celebrate.

You entered my life
Around the age of twelve
Oh, how you made it
A total living hell.

From the "budding" to "perky"
You were never welcome here
I could no longer climb trees as well
And a shirt I had to wear.

Bosom, ta-ta's, boobs or tits
All the names they call you
Not one
Seemed to fit.

I finally knew
As every lady should
I called you breasts
You made my sweaters look good.

No longer at attention
You've not fared as well as me
Unless confined within a bra
You tend to swing free.

Today we celebrate
I know you are low
But perk up, my beauties!
We've many years to go.

24 comments:

Buttons said...

Sorry I am still laughing:) B

Pat said...

Let's hear it for the ta-ta's! I'm clapping mine together for you! ;)

Sandy said...

LOL, oh you're to funny this morning!

Michaele said...

You are so brave to bare it all about your breasts. baaahaaa

~Allison said...

Hahahaha! Too funny! And so true. I love it!

Brian Miller said...

hahaha absolutely love it...and that you celebrate their birthday...may you and they have many more years ahead...and thanks for the smiles today...

Irene said...

Ha! That's wonderful, Gail. I think mine will hang around for some years to come too although I try to make them look perky during the day with a push up bra. I aim for cleavafe and if you run fast it almost looks like it. Congratulations on writing a great ode to your boobs. I am sure they are worthy. xox

TexWisGirl said...

too dang funny. and happy birthday to the rest of you. :)

Lynne said...

Hasp Birthday . . . this was delightful!

Mary Ann said...

Happy Birthday, Gail!

Sandra said...

cant type for laughing.... i shudder to think what my years are, so am not using the calculator to figure it out.

Sue said...

Best birthday poem ever, Gail

Cracked me up!!

=D

PS. Have a good one, free-swinging appendages and all... ;)

Primitive Stars said...

Happy Birthday to you and the twins, yay!!!!!!! Great post......to funny....Blessings Francine.

Buttons said...

OK I am back I was sure I missed something as I was rolling around on the floor laughing. HAPPY BIRTHDAY Gail. Sorry guess the word about boobies made me lose concentration WEIRD:) B

5 Starr's Farm said...

Happy Birthday Gail to you and the "Girls" ................ LOL

Far Side of Fifty said...

Happy Birthday to your breasts..thanks for the smiles:)

Arkansas Patti said...

Happy Birthday to you both. That was delightfully funny and sounds familiar. When I was 10, I asked God to please not give me big bothersome breasts.
Dang it! As far as I know, that is my only prayer I know for sure he answered.

gld said...

I am still smiling! I, too,will not be doing a calculation!

Susan Kane said...

From buds to perky, excellent. I wish they were still perky. Now they are hangy.

SaucyKod said...

OMG - this is just fabulous - you are having a wild day, aren't you. ha,ha My brothers used to tease me and call me "Fried Egg Sister" and when my brother Gary joined the army he brought me a tee-shirt home one weekend with two fried eggs you know where. Actually, I did wear it, but those budding puppies are'nt Fried Eggs anymore. ha,ha
Great Post Gail - loved it.

C-ingspots said...

Oh Gail, this is one for the classics!! I loved it!! Happy, happy Birthday my friend!!!!!!

Josie Two Shoes said...

This was one of the most fun, creative pieces I've read for a long time! Closing in on 60, this tale of the breasts is all to familiar for me, and how I would love to go back to the ten year old girl that got by in just a t-shirt! Yuppers, in so many ways they define us and defy gravity for just long enough to get our hopes up, then they let us down. Such is life! Really great writing here!:-)

Rudee said...

Happy Birthday!

Jenny said...

You stinker!

Now I have another Saturday morning chore...clean up coffee I spit out laughing!

Sigh.

Really funny!

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