a tale of tails, tenacity, and tedium, as told by me, usually barefoot and bellowing

Thursday, July 15, 2010

I'm Off!

Off center, that is.  Like this delicious little Patty Pan squash that looks to me, I swear, like a close up of  the Jolly Green Giant's girlfriend without her bra!  Now that is a sick vision.

Seriously, I am the one who has always prided herself in being able to maneuver safely through this entire house in the dark.  I always knew where I was and never hit one stick of furniture.  Gleefully walking with such a sense of pride, I always found the door way on first try, never stubbed my toes, always found what I needed in the dark, well, those days seem to be over.

Has the Earth's axis tilted or are there gremlins in my house moving things just enough to make me run into them??

My poor second toe has really suffered.  It is not longer than my first but does seem to stick out a lot recently.  It can fit under tables that have no under, it finds all doors and items that were not there in the daylight.  For the health of this poor digit I need to center my dark universe once again or at least figure out where the light switch is.

I am in the country, there are no street lights, no night lights and man, when you turn the lights out it is truly dark.

I go by feel in the dark of night and by memory.  I guess this is some misplaced sense of protecting those who live with me.  If I do not need a light then I will not jerk them out of a sound sleep by turning on an atomic emergency beacon right in their faces.

Tonight I thought I was doing better.  I spot the digital clock and I am able to know the location of every piece in the room in relationship to the clock...NOT!  Well, not any more anyway.  Tonight the toe was spared and my right eye met with the corner of something rather sharply.  I remember thinking, shit, that hurt!  Even with that said I still did not know where I was!

Any one know where I can get radar installed?


Silliyak said...

Been there, done that. Break down and buy one or more little night lights to plug in at strategic points. (Like near the bathroom door)

Journaling Woman said...

The country is so very dark. I live in the deep deep country for half my life and yet I never got over being scared of the dark. My imagination always gets the best of me.

Oh and I've broken my itty bittiest toe twice but both during the well lit day. Man does that hurt.

ellen abbott said...

I hear ya! When we first started coming out to the country house, it was so dark at night! And I was in a different house. I kept running into walls and doors. I finally put a night light in the bathroom. Probably wouldn't need it now as long as I remember which house I am in before I get out of bed.

LindaG said...

Actually, I believe the axis has tilted a bit. I know they say magnetic North has shifted quite a bit in the last few decades...

That said, I can indeed feel for you as I am the same. I pretty much know where everything is. And as any mother knows, being able to get up and get to your child quickly (and safely) is of utmost importance.

However, for some reason over the last year, my little finger on my right hand jambs into everything that was never a problem before. I have done it so many times that the joint near the end of my finger is permanently lumpy in an arthritic manner. And some days it just hurts because it wants to.

Your squash picture was quite funny though, and yes, get a few tiny night lights.

Your ears aren't bothering you, are they? If they are, you could have an infection that is throwing off your balance. ;)

Jules said...

Thanks to Bernie I'm here. And found your request for radar most amusing.

I'll be helping you attain Bernie status and will follow along.

Thanks for the laugh.

Olivia J. Herrell said...

Gail, thanks for stumbling on to my blog (I bet you clicked over from Jules's house, I see she commented up above). You were my 100th follower. WOW. Thank you, thank you.

I LOVE your blog. All three of them! I'm settling in to work on my manuscript (and am an hour behind schedule) but will be back when I have time to really SEE them.

~Bye for now! that rebel

Nezzy said...

Oh baby, I shall never look at a Patty Pan squash the same!

I'm just the opposite....just and accident runnin' ninety miles an hour waitin' to happen. Most of my toes have been broken and the end of a big toe cut off...(golly gee, so glad we took it to the emergency room) If ya need any help I'm kinda of an expert on buddy taping broken little piggies.

Ya just might want to invest in this cool neat invention called the FLASHLIGHT! Heeehehehehe!

Ya'll have a blessed day and take care for those tootsies. :o)

Nora said...

Yes, night lights are the way to go, Gail. Just plug a few in here and there. It will save your poor toes and you a lot of misery. I get to turn on all the lights because I live by myself. That's one of the benefits. I always have a night light on in the bedroom so I'm never completely in the dark.

Rudee said...

I second, third or fourth the night light.

Anonymous said...

Ouch! Yes, i imagine that hurt! About a month ago I tore the nail off my pinkie toe...it got caught under a door as I yanked it open. Not much left to put polish on now! LOL But boy, did it ever hurt. In fact I blogged about it, too! LOL


Roland D. Yeomans said...

I broke my big toe when I was 10. 2 days ago I caught my right middle finger in a closing hydraulic door!!

My heart goes out to you.

I love your blog's cover photo. My hero in 3 of my fantasies is a Texas Ranger -- so I really liked the top photo. Roland

Pat said...

Well, you know you are talking to the biggest clutz of all time, but I DO have a solution for you.

Home Depot, and I'm sure many, many other stores, sells these items:

1) a baseball cap that has a built in light RIGHT IN THE BILL.


2) a light that clips on to the bill of a baseball cap.

Keep the cap RIGHT NEXT TO YOUR BED and throw that sucker on your head whenever you leave the safe comforts of your bed. Turn the light on like you are a miner going down the shaft, baby! It will light your way and not disturb ANYBODY!

You can thank me in advance!

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