WARNING!!!!! This could be depressing
Note that my skies are dark...refections of my thoughts.
Totally Dark!The Christmas tree lays in pieces in the living room, not in its box. The ornaments are piled alone. No one seems to care whether they are put away or not, especially me.
My Santas are wondering when they are to be tucked into storage. Sometimes I think they glare at me when I walk by.
I am still in the gown that I wore yesterday. Is this an indication of what lies ahead?
I shame myself for being so ungrateful, but it does no good. The dark clouds are around me and the winds are not blowing.
Sounds annoy me. The incessant (it feels that way, though it is not) barking of dogs, the crowing of roosters, the electronic noises beat into my brain.
I care not whether the clothes are washed, nor the dishes clean, nor if the family is happy with my new turn. I crave compassion but no one seems to know that word.
It is my fault. Although it is not. I can not proctect myself from these dark thoughts and no one sees them but me. Outside I am normal, but inside me, today is dark and sad.
Forgive me!
16 comments:
We all go through it. I hope you feel better soon!
Aww my dear Gail, I thought something was going on inside you. . .don't worry sweetie, all of us go through these feelings, especially after the major holidays. God is with you dear and so are my thoughts and prayers. I send my loving hope to you that you may feel better soon.
Love
Sharon
Come on Gail, This isn't the poet and fun loving person I know you to be...they are right, tho, we all have these days...and if you are the wife, the mom, the sister,,,you know you have to pick yourself up, shower, change clothes and get dressed all the way to combing your hair and tying your shoes!!!Set up a few tasks and make yourself do them...put some upbeat music on..eat a few chocolate chip cookies...you have a nice life, people who love you...but since you are the strong one, they don't always tell you. Go out and visit your horses..animals have unconditional love.. and you will get thru this day and these holidays..which are always downers.. and the sun will shine tomorrow..for you will make it so!!
I am sorry you feel this way. Don't ask for forgiveness.. you have done nothing wrong. You are a lovely person. Take things slow... go outside... look after yourself.Write down your thoughts and maybe talk to someone. There is no failure in feeling down, but feeling down alone is doubly awful. That horrible darkness that takes over sometimes feels as if it will never end... but it will. Talk to someone. Sarah xxx
We all have these types of days....and guess what...IT IS OKAY to feel this way and have those feelings! I understand....and I'm sending ((((HUGS))) your way today.
The sun will shine again, my friend... until then keep in mind that without the dark days, the ones with sunshine wouldn't mean as much.
Till then, crawl in bed with your favorite quilt and get some rest, this might just be your body and soul telling you you need some rest.
Big hugs to you Gail, wish I lived close enough to make a drive and bring you something to cheer you up...
Sweet, dear Gail - You bring so much joy, laughter and sunshine to so many. I am keeping you in my prayers and am sending hugs to you my friend ((()))). It's perfectly natural to have these days, they are why the good ones feel so special. God is still in heaven and is still watching over you and keeping you close. So, do not fear - this too shall pass. Get some rest and you will feel better soon. Until then, remember we are here for you. Blessings
Oh Gail, I feel for you. I was in that aweful place for quite a while. Exercise helps me, being outside-even if it is gray. Fake it till ya make it. Feel better, I will be praying for you.
Gail.....this is a wonderful post! So honest and open. Thank you for saying everything you did. I think many people feel this way as the holiday hubbub winds down, but few will admit it. Its good to hear some honesty!
I think you're doing good though to be putting your tree and decorations away already. I haven't even thought about doing that yet.
I like those dark and forbidding cloud scenes, too! Happy SkyWAtching!
Hey Gail...I see a parting in those clouds. The darkness will soon be so bright you will be wishing for a tid bit of darkness again. Heck, I just got my Christmas boxes all tucked away today after sitting about and no one caring if they remained for another 11 months!
We all have these days...
Here's to sunshine tomorrow!
Barb
With you...holding my hand out for someone to take it!
KK
S.A.D. I experience this throughout the dark winter months. On Thursday I too set around in my housecoat all day long. Unexpected company showed up, I said, sorry, I don't feel like getting dressed today, we had a nice visit, they went their way and I went back to lounging around in my gown and housecoat the rest of the day. Lately my husband fills the dishwasher and does the dishes, he is very understanding when I get in my funky moods...I hope you are now feeling better, always remember to keep a smile on your face, it really helps, well a little. Try it. ;))
How are you doing today ? Better I hope. Thinking of you over here.... oh, and they are chestnut trees, I think. xxx
Lovely photos, even though they are grey and dark. They, along with your always heartfelt, expressive words convey your feelings.
No need to apologize. This is your little bloggy place to write what's on your mind.
Do you know that I recieved one complaint from one of my readers who thought I should remove my own grumpy depression post? They felt I was being rude and to open in sharing my feelings for all to read.
I replied that by keeping my feelings all bottled up, I was a prisoner with no escape. Once those feelings are tossed out there, it's freedom. The feelings float away, and many folks understand and can synpathsize and support you..and send encouraging thoughts.
So, vent away. Send those dark skies floating out over the sea. The skies will clear and so will your thoughts.
And Hey! Guess what my little nightgown friend. We are now like sisters. I went 4 days without a shower (too exhausting and painful) and only a change of daily undies.
And like you I am starting to not care whether the dishes are washed or clothes or cleaned...because there is absolutely nothing I can do about it anyway. lol!
I'm learning the tough lesson of letting go.
If those Santa's even think of glaring at you, you glare right back at them. Why does Chistmas have to be over right after Christmas anyway? All that work putting everything up just to rush around in apanic taking everything down at first light the day after New Years.
Why? Do you have Queen Elizabeth coming for a visit? So what! Have her make you some tea and scones while you sit around and chat about your charming collections.
Ya know, noone's will be taking down our tree or decorations until Spring Thaw or until I'm strong enough to do it myself.
So, let's just start a new tradition, a low stress, joyful tradition. Christmas until we feel like it being over. Let's light up our tree in May. Let's wrap Spring flower garlands around the Santa's and Chistmas Angels. Let's keep the little snowman shelf sitters up until summer to remind us of the joy of winter, too.
Gail, I wish you could climb up here into my tower and join me in my lofty bed. We could laugh, play games (I bet you could teach me a few I don't know), eat lots of yummy things, drink 'big girl' drinks, and just enjoy each other's company until we both feel better and are strong enough to face the world again.
You are always welcome here, my friend.
Until then, sending you HUGE hugs, lots of warm smiles, and comfort.
~Lisa
New Mexico
Just thinking of you... about to have a bubble bath and go to bed, but wanted to drop by and say hello.I am sending you a hug across the ocean.Take care of yourself. Sarah xx
Oh Gail, wish I was there to help. I know what it is like.
Post a Comment