a tale of tails, tenacity, and tedium, as told by me, usually barefoot and bellowing

Thursday, January 7, 2010

And You Laugh!

I got my book!  Now I will know all I need to know.  I basically know this is the head and this is the tail and that the art of riding is keeping the horse between you and the ground.  Well, I know a little more than that but I really only know how much I don't know.

The top of the book says, "For riders of all disciplines, boost your self-confidence and...." this was all I needed to read.  I do need a boost into the saddle and I definantly need a boost in self-confidence so this must be the book for me.
I am learning the proper way to dress, which this is not.  Shorts, t-shirts, no bra(that's way I don't trot) but I did have boots on.
Unlike this photo where I look like I am falling with my flip flops on.  (Gosh, how many pounds can a rider put on in a few short years?)  I was trying to get him to turn but I guess I thought I was riding a bike and leaning for the turn, who knows! Honestly, I do not know what I am doing in this picture.  That is why I got the book.

I do have a story to tell of Charme's and my first ride.  Andrew and I were all excited to ride.  Saddled up and Andrew said you go first Nana.  So I did, proudly. 

Took off at a fast walk toward the spring, got about half way there and Charme decided to go back to the barn...at a faster walk, maybe a trot, maybe more, but I am hanging on.  As she jumps the dry creek and I see all the big rocks I carefully placed down there, I prayed not to fall.  I said, Lord, I do not have enough sick leave.

Okay, old girl, I am the boss and we are getting this right this time!  I get her headed out and past the spring again.  Much better this time, then she decides to go, I do not know what a one rein stop is and do not even remember if I had the reins at that point.  Now you are talking to someone who falls off the WalMart horse.  Charme is not bucking or doing anything wrong except not listening to me.  She wants to be at the barn with her minis...and she is moving there fast!

This time she does not jump the dry ditch but heads right for a persimmon tree, straight on and I am praying, don't let me fall, don't let me fall.  Then it was, don't let me hit that tree!  So Charme makes a ninty degree turn and the saddle slides to the right side but I am still gripped to that saddle for dear life.

As the saddle slides toward her belly with me on it, she stops.  Thank God, she knew she was losing her rider.  I just kinda hang there with my feet in the stirrups, reins in a death grip and the saddle horn welded to my hand.  By this time, one foot is on top of the horse and one is under it, but by golly, I am still in the saddle.

Hubby sticks his head out the door and says where's Nana and Andrew says, riding.  Hubby hollers and says where are you, I said I am on the horse and he says I do see your feet, you alright?  Yes, I am alright.  He goes back in the house.

When I get completely on the ground, while good Charme is standing so quietly, nuzzling the other d--- horses through the fence, I realize maybe she is a little buddy spoiled.

Andrew yells, Do that again, Nana, that was fun!

I said it is your turn and he declined but he did want to know what I was thinking as we ran.  I said I was praying, Andrew said, no, you weren't!  How do you know?  I heard you yelling, no, Andrew I was praying.  He said can I tell you what you said and not get into trouble?  Go ahead, Andrew. 

I was yelling. "Whoa, damnit, whoa!"

Now you know WHY I need this book!


Nezzy said...

Heeeheeehe! Horse and flip~flops...do not go together! You crack me up!

I had a suggestion in a comment a little while back I might want to check out Blogging for Dummies. Ya, think they were tryin' to tell me something?

Have a great day and happy trails to you.

Bernie said...

Great post. Made me laugh and laugh and also sympathize. I have always wanted to ride a horse. The closest I have come to getting to learn was in Denver. I was taking my two little boys to this guy in the foothills who taught riding and decided to take a lesson myself. I loved it. Especially the Tennessee Walker who rode so smoothly. We only went around barrels in the fenced in lot. I was so pleased and so excited and the next week when we came back for a lesson, he had up and quit and went into trucking! My husband claims it was because of me but I didn't do that badly!

I loved this post. And I wish I could learn to ride with you. I think you already know a lot more than you think you do . I loved the part about the praying. Your son did tell the truth and was that ever funny. Thanks for this today.
We are snowbound or are in the process of being today, so it was welcome.

Jennifer said...

That is a very pretty horse! Your post made me laugh and reminded me of when I had a horse back when I was a teenager and more brave and the time she ran me into a locust tree (huge thorns!)or the time I fell in the stagnant creek.

Lori E said...

Giddy up Gail. You are funny. I was hurt rather badly by a horse I couldn't stop many years ago. As he took off back to the barn the reins slipped through my hands, slicing the skin, my feet came out of the stirrups which they couldn't get short enough for me to begin with. I held onto the saddle horn for dear life while the horse ran back over rough terrain, fallen logs etc.
I had pulled most of the muscles in my lower back and could not walk normally for months.
But hey, I am sure you will be fine. You already have mastered the falling off part.

The Green Stone Woman said...

Oh, I laughed so hard, I'm still laughing. I have tears rolling down my face. I'm nearly hysterical. That was so great! I love it. You sure know how to tell a story well. Oh darn it, I can't stop laughing. Ha ha!

Diandra said...

That was a very, very great description. I could literally see you on that horse. And I totally understand why you need that book, I learn better from books than from "leraning by falling on your face" myself.

Gramma Ann said...

That was some ride. I laughed all through the ride. You have more courage then I do. I got on my kids pony once, and immediately said, Get me off of here, NOW!. So glad you hung in there and managed to get off. I hope the horse back riding only gets better from now on.

C-ingspots said...

Thank you Gail. That's twice today that you've managed to make me feel better. Great story! Very descriptive...I could actually see you! Love how your grandson kept you honest...praying huh? Things can only get better right?

~Tonia said...

L..O...L That was great!! I wouldnt laugh so hard if hadnt ever been in that position! but I have... When I was 11 yrs old. We were all riding this horse. Her name was Nicky.. I LOVED her... Then I got to ride her.. Well the dog had been barking but some one had been holding him.. Then I got on Nicky and take off.. It was great... Then everyone went in the house and LET GO OF THE DOG!?!?! Here he comes 90 to nothing.. She starts trotting.. then running back toher sisters out in the field.. Then the Saddle starts sliding... ALl I could see was her getting closer to her sisters!! I thought I am going to be trampled! DOg following the whole time barking... SO I prepared to Launch!! I let go and flung myself off and Rolled!! Dog was so happy i was on the ground started licking me in the face.. I punched him(hey I was young)... I had to walk a 1/2 mile home limping and hurting.. I did ride again and I didnt hold it against the dog or the horse...
It wasnt the only time I have gotten knocked off a horse either..

MysticFish said...

Now that is a funny story. I know that I have prayed that way on my horse before! I know that I keep looking for Dressage for Dummies! Keep up the riding.. I don't know what I would do without my horse beast!

Journaling Woman said...

You are a funny girl, dear Gail. I absolutely KNOW you were praying at least in your mind. What came out of your mouth might have been a little different, but that was praying too.

ellen abbott said...

Well, that made me laugh. I can just see you on that saddle sideways. And that sounded like a prayer to me!

Mildred said...

You have me laughing!

Hope the book does the trick!

Kim said...

Glad to have stumbled on such a funny post. Your descriptions put me right there in the saddle with you. . .and I love that you went up there as you were. Too many people prepare too much and take things too seriously!

The Farmers Oldest Daughter said...

That is hilarious and exactly why I don't ride anymore because the same thing happened to me. You put it into great context though. Glad you didn't get hurt.

Pyatshaw said...

I love this tale. I was a self taught rider. We had to ride bareback in case we were thrown and dragged by the stirrups. So I learned balance that way.No horns on our saddles. I always clutched at the mane when in trouble but one wild little pony had a hogged mane and I was sure in trouble then!
Our untrained ponies would walk only , on the outward ride but would gallop like demons for home and only along the edge of a field, never down the middle!

Wsprsweetly Of Cottages said...

Nezzy said to get my behind over here so here I am. She is right...too cute!
Horses do exactly what they want to do when I get on them, which hasn't been for some time! I finally figured out that they instinctively know when you are not in CONTROL! :) I wonder if my kids had the same sort of instinct! :) I'm kidding. (No I'm not!)
Cute post!! Loved it!

allhorsestuff said...

Oh Mannnn..you had me wincing and cracking up= almost at the same time!!
That is a fabulous book..they have one of those for everything I betcha! I am glad you got that.
Too funny..yea..your horses have had lots of time to become sour...which takes but months maybe weeks..as I have discovered...good thing is..outa sight(fromt he barn)is almost outa mind...till you turn to go home again!

Prayuing on horseback is one of the closest places you can be to God..I'd say!!!

("Do it again Nanna..that was fun!") !!!

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