a tale of tails, tenacity, and tedium, as told by me, usually barefoot and bellowing

Sunday, March 4, 2012

A Poor Attempt...

Today, I'm trying something new.  The Mag has a creative challenge using this picture as your inspiration.
Here goes nothing.

THE EYES HAUNTED HIM

Everywhere he turned
He didn't want to think of her
But those haunting eyes
Loomed on the horizon of his mind
Constantly,
Continually,
Asking him, why?

She didn't have to die
If she'd only stopped looking
With that piercing gaze
But she looked,
Sadly,
Silently,
As he squeezed her porcelain throat.

He thought her death
Would end it all
Erase her from his mind
No more chocolate eyes,
Pleading,
Placating,
Gone but forever in his mind, the eyes cried, Guilty!

27 comments:

Dreaming said...

Nice writing! I loved your alliterative words in each verse. Nifty!

Journaling Woman said...

Whoa. Whoaaaaaa. That is super great. I love this. Whoa.

No I don't think you're a horse. The whoa is for me to stop and think about what you said. You painted the picture in my mind.

T

Chèvrefeuille said...

This one is great. I like the way you have used the alliterations. Well done.

Blessed be.

JJ Roa Rodriguez said...

Awesome write! Love it... Felt it...

JJRod'z

Friko said...

there is something about the eyes, you might be right, they might be accusing. I haven't made up my mind yet about them.

Mimi Foxmorton said...

Can't kill the bogey man, eh?

Nicely done! :)

Teagan said...

ooooh - very haunting! Love your take & perspective.

Little Nell said...

Looming on the horizon of his mind - very thought-provoking. I get the feeling he will be haunted for a long time yet.

Marti said...

Wonderful development of your idea! Poe move over, you have competition. Have a good day.

gautami tripathy said...

Wonderfully dark. I love dark!

obscured

christopher said...

Okay by me. Well handled, I think.

DesertHen said...

Bravo, Bravo! Well done Gail!

Tracy said...

Gail, that was very powerful....quite demensional and I loved the alliterations!
nice work...

Sue said...

Delightfully dark and just the right amount of twisted!

=)

Country Gal said...

WOW ! Fantastic , Bravo I loved it well done ! I was mesmerized . Have a great day !

LindaG said...

Dark indeed, but very good!

Brian Miller said...

ugh...and he will see those eyes for the rest of his life...no matter how he tries to erase it...smiles.

labbie1 said...

Interesting--and just a wee bit unnerving... Good job!

Lynne said...

Well . . . you know what I think!
Creative. Alliterative Intrigue Curious
A Bit of Dark

I think in reading . . . whenever I am drawn in . . . curious, wondering, my mind flying . . . Ya got me at GO!

Like I said, "you know what I think!"

Irene said...

Wow, that's pretty damn good and very believable. You can just imagine how his mind worked. You have a great imagination!

Wander said...

No who done it here...guilty!

Wander
http://Wanderwithoutbeinglost.blogspot.com

Mama Zen said...

Nice write!

hyperCRYPTICal said...

Clever write!

The second stanza made me giggle - don't know whether it should - I just didn't expect it.

Anna :o]

Nezzy said...

Yet another job well done sweetie!!!

Wonderful write!

God bless ya and have a good one! :o)

Carrie Burtt said...

Intense and captivating write!!!

Tess Kincaid said...

Porcelain throat chocolate eyes...oh yeah...I love your mud all squishy squash between the toes header...

SaucyKod said...

.....and they always try to blame the butler??? ha,ha
very well written, dark, mysterious - a few words well spun. Excellent !

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