Here goes nothing.
THE EYES HAUNTED HIM
Everywhere he turned
He didn't want to think of her
But those haunting eyes
Loomed on the horizon of his mind
Constantly,
Continually,
Asking him, why?
She didn't have to die
If she'd only stopped looking
With that piercing gaze
But she looked,
Sadly,
Silently,
As he squeezed her porcelain throat.
He thought her death
Would end it all
Erase her from his mind
No more chocolate eyes,
Pleading,
Placating,
Gone but forever in his mind, the eyes cried, Guilty!
27 comments:
Nice writing! I loved your alliterative words in each verse. Nifty!
Whoa. Whoaaaaaa. That is super great. I love this. Whoa.
No I don't think you're a horse. The whoa is for me to stop and think about what you said. You painted the picture in my mind.
T
This one is great. I like the way you have used the alliterations. Well done.
Blessed be.
Awesome write! Love it... Felt it...
JJRod'z
there is something about the eyes, you might be right, they might be accusing. I haven't made up my mind yet about them.
Can't kill the bogey man, eh?
Nicely done! :)
ooooh - very haunting! Love your take & perspective.
Looming on the horizon of his mind - very thought-provoking. I get the feeling he will be haunted for a long time yet.
Wonderful development of your idea! Poe move over, you have competition. Have a good day.
Wonderfully dark. I love dark!
obscured
Okay by me. Well handled, I think.
Bravo, Bravo! Well done Gail!
Gail, that was very powerful....quite demensional and I loved the alliterations!
nice work...
Delightfully dark and just the right amount of twisted!
=)
WOW ! Fantastic , Bravo I loved it well done ! I was mesmerized . Have a great day !
Dark indeed, but very good!
ugh...and he will see those eyes for the rest of his life...no matter how he tries to erase it...smiles.
Interesting--and just a wee bit unnerving... Good job!
Well . . . you know what I think!
Creative. Alliterative Intrigue Curious
A Bit of Dark
I think in reading . . . whenever I am drawn in . . . curious, wondering, my mind flying . . . Ya got me at GO!
Like I said, "you know what I think!"
Wow, that's pretty damn good and very believable. You can just imagine how his mind worked. You have a great imagination!
No who done it here...guilty!
Wander
http://Wanderwithoutbeinglost.blogspot.com
Nice write!
Clever write!
The second stanza made me giggle - don't know whether it should - I just didn't expect it.
Anna :o]
Yet another job well done sweetie!!!
Wonderful write!
God bless ya and have a good one! :o)
Intense and captivating write!!!
Porcelain throat chocolate eyes...oh yeah...I love your mud all squishy squash between the toes header...
.....and they always try to blame the butler??? ha,ha
very well written, dark, mysterious - a few words well spun. Excellent !
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