a tale of tails, tenacity, and tedium, as told by me, usually barefoot and bellowing

Monday, September 7, 2009

Holiday Rant

I have been continually married to the same man since 1972. I am pretty easy to get along with, in my opinion. I am not afraid to work and do so, outside the home and on the farm. I am not lazy, nor am I stupid nor do I yell without necessity...I thought.

Soup Bone got out of his corral and there was an immediate need to make him a new, more enforced corral. We enclosed him in a smaller one and began to put together another corral with new panels. I am helping and carrying twelve foot panels to line up the new pen. I suggested we double it by placing the second set upside down around the first set, thus double walls.

Things are going fine but H is a little ticked because it had to be done at all. We get the small pen erected except for two panels. H goes on the tractor to get two more panels and is backing in with the tractor, the panels hang on the existing pen. I holler Whoa, he doesn't acknowledge my yell, I holler Whoa louder, and am going toward the panels to unhook them so he can continue to back. Here's the ball breaker; I holler Whoa a third time with more intensity, because I am thinking since he cannot hear himself fart, he is not hearing my whoa and does not know I am coming to the rescue.

The face of H totally transformed into a hideous demon and bellowed at me, don't yell at me I know what I am doing...well, obviously, he did not or he would not be hung on the panels. While he is yelling I unhook the panels, because he had stopped the tractor to yell at me.

Nothing else was said and we continued to finish the pen. I thought I had given sufficient time for him to cool. I knew he was angry at himself, not at me, but I am not the punching bag around here! I calmly stated I was more than willing to help but I did not like to be yelled at. Here's his reply; You yelled at me first!!

Now how juvenile is that???? I was trying to help, okay, baby, you are on your own. If you can not see what is wrong with this statement, you need to get glasses and counseling. Nothing in my marriage contract says I should tip toe and pet my husband. I didn't break the damn bull out, I didn't hang the panels, I was there to help.

Now I do believe fights are a waste of time and energy. I usually make a statement and if there is chance of a fight, I just remove myself from the situation.

We have worked together a lot through the years and I have stated, just in the last year or two, when you start yelling at me, I will not work. He knew this but instead of saying sorry, I was mad at myself, I know you were helping, he said you yelled first, yes, I did. I yelled whoa to keep you from tearing down the work we had already done. I did not say, stop, you dumb ass, you're hung on the fence. I said Whoa.

Can I ask you, was this justified? Well, right now, I don't think so.

And the saga continues.

After H and A finished the bull pen, he slept in his recliner. I went outside to walk Gypsy and the calves were in the garden. I was taking care of it. Gypsy and Lil, (yes, Gypsy, the foster hound) ran the calves back into the pasture and I started working on the fence. I am not messing with my karma by inviting the Demon to join me.

I grabbed one wire and it was still hot so I told myself go find the other end, restring it and then turn the box off and rewire...which I was working on.

My sister ran and told H the calves were in the garden and he comes rushing over on the mule, turns the power box off, and comes to where I am now wiring the fence together. I said you did not have to come, I had it handled. He said, did you turn the box off? I said you already did.

The demon was still lurking just under the surface of the lovely young man I married thirty-seven years ago. He said I will do it, I said you can't see the wires and he said give it here so once again, I departed for the house.

Now he just got through with shoulder surgery and is carrying his arm. His bull-headedness got him into this! Why are men so damned stubborn?


Christy said...

I'm sorry Gail. I know how it is! My husband can be very hard to get along with. He has a temper and yells a lot. I refuse to help him with anything because he gets frustrated and takes it out on me. He is a decent guy, he's never hit me or even thought about it, but he yells at me and I'm sick of it. I have chickens that need processing and I've done 3 of them and I'm really struggling with it. I don't know what I'm doing, I don't like doing and I don't want to do. Does he offer to help? Does he sympathize? No, he says you wanted to do this now finish it. I'm honestly ready to give the chickens away and be done with the whole thing. Sorry, I guess I needed to rant too!

Nezzy said...

I swear it's gotta be in the testosterone or in the jeans. I was the only boy my dad had so I got stuck will all the farm help even if I didn't have the testosterone or a penis. OOps can I say that in blogland??? He would eventually end up kuzzin' me out and I would run to the house crying.

When I married Hubby he knew this. He also knows the minute I see a bit of aggravation toward my help I will quit right there. I'm gone. He rarely draws a deep breath knowing the help he needs will be in the house enjoying a bubble bath and eatin' bon-bons.

Ya'll have a better Labor Day and enjoy some chocolate and a bubble bath!!!

Pyatshaw said...

Glad to hear that more folk than me have these sort of husband related problems!

~Tonia said...

It must be going around!! I was told to get back in the house and stay there!! Nothing makes me madder then to be told something like that!! But in this instance he was right.. I was close to overdoing things.. Otherwise he wouldnt have done that.. We pick at each other the whole time we do things like this though.. It rarely gets to a full blown case of the grumps at each other. But it does happen!!

Silliyak said...

I know it's really hard to believe, but it most likely had NOTHING to do with you. I'm guessing he had a perfectionistic abusive father, and when he makes a mistake he goes on immediate defensive mode. I could be wrong and just telling you about my own history. He's still the good man you married and I'm sure he feels like manure and doesn't understand what he's feeling. He may also be having frustrations with his injury and age, a realization that he's not all he once was. Anyway, protect your own feelings but understand he's likely hurting also.

Grammy said...

I don't know why. I just know it is easier for me to do some things my self. I have to work allot harder when he is the one doing it. rrrrr. Men.

The Green Stone Woman said...

Sometimes you wonder why you bother staying married to them.

Cara said...

I know the feeling! I get that "Don't yell at me, I heard you the first time!" all the time!

"Well, why didn't you answer the first time?"

...and don't get me started on the backseat driving.....

Carla said...

This is totally in the air. I'm sure your H is hurting and not fully healed yet, and is taking it out on you. Doesn't make it ok tho does it? I agree with you, arguing is a waste of energy. AND the nastiness doesn't go away. Total waste!! We had a little stupid round Sunday:( Dumb...

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